It has been a heavy and full week for me. I've been literally running around in the office to catch here and there. But I like this. It makes me alive and keep me motivated.
That is why I didn't managed to pour in my thoughts as usual here. But I know you guys are good friends. I noticed my visitors graph didn't change. Alhamdulillah....
I love you all....
I have friends in my reality world. But I dun have much. I have my office friends, I have friends from my uni years. But I am soooo afraid to confessed loudly that they are my best friends. I have fear that it will turn the other way round. It makes me sad and it truely hurts me. Thus, I've never declared them as best friends. I really hope they know they are my best friends.
The history.....
I was in boarding school since my Form 1 until my Form 5. My school only allowed us to go home once a month. Thus, my teenage years was filled with friends. Because of that, I have a few best friends and we did declared oursleves that way. But I do not know, maybe some events make them disappointed with me, or I was hurt with their words or actions and we naturally pulling ourselves away. When one moment after the schooling days, I stopped and look back, trying to search their faces, it was no longer there. I've been searching what went wrong, but I failed.
I have BFF in my primary school. 3 of us, always stick together. And 1 of them moved to other states following her father when we were in Standard 2. That left me and the other 1. We were soo close until we finished the primary school. She went to the local school and I was accepted in the boarding school. But we kept our friendship warm. After form 5, we kept close together again, until one history pull us apart. That painful memories left a deep scar in heart, in my history and affected my family as well. Yeap, it's that big. So, there it goes another best friend.
Then I decided, that the terminalogy of 'best friend' is actually a jinx for me. It cursed my relations. I love my good friends so much and I don't want to lose another best friends. So, I kept my mouth shut from declaring them as my best friend. Once a while, my mouth didn't work well, it will happily chattering them as my best friends, but I will surely felt soo scared that the relation might turn bad anytrime from that moment.
So friend, I am trying to tell you that you are my best friend, but I am so afraid that I will lose you. Just bear in mind that I truely love you all.....
1 thoughts..:
Me too..hope that our frenship last forever....
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